Drifting Away

What is, "drifting away?" Have you ever just sat there and pondered on the meaning of these two very powerful, but yet sorrowful words? If you are lost and have been saved, and started backsliding because you may have become lazy in your daily habits for the Lord, been in a situation where you didn't feel God's presence, or maybe satan starts hassling you to the point you feel you are going to break. Either way, if you have turned your back on God, you might just find yourself drifting away. 

Let’s dig a little deeper into this subject. In the English language, “drifting away” means to gradually lose personal contact, connection, or focus over time. In the Greek language it often is translated from παραρρέω (pararreō) meaning to flow past, slip away or be carried away by the currents. 

As I was doing my research on drifting away while reading, “or being carried away by the currents,” I picture a lost person in a boat on the sea. Maybe this person was fishing in the midst of the ocean, encountered a storm, lost their oars, and while the waves were crashing all around, fear had set in as they were being carried further and further away from the shore. The deeper I got into the thought of drifting away, I can’t help but ponder on how sneaky the enemy is, and how he wants to deceive us further and further away from the true and perfect love of Christ. If I am being honest, I can see my past self in that boat of deceit; struggling with drifting further and further away from Jesus. 

Let me tell you a small story about my past life, before truly knowing my identity in Christ. I was not raised in church. Growing up, it was never taught, and it was never a priority. As I got older, I never prioritized Jesus. After my daughters were born, and grown older, I found a church for us to attend. I was more attentive to serving in the church. I was a Sunday School teacher, and was over the GAs on Wednesday nights. If you aren’t familiar with GAs, (Girls in Action) is a mission based educational program for girls in the 1st-6th grade. I also volunteered for the nursery during Sunday Church, etc. So, basically every time the doors was open at church, I was there. I got saved prior to teaching and volunteering in the church. I truly FELT in my heart that I was saved. I FELT I truly meant it, and that it was sincere, or so I thought. BUT…. The more and more I attended church, the more and more I began rejecting God. I stopped attending church as often. I lied, and blamed it on sickness and migraines. When our yearly meeting took place, I opted out of teaching Sunday School and GAs. Another lie took place, as I said it was for health reasons (I have had 6 surgeries, so it was believable). 

I started seeping back into my old habits. I was listening to secular music, watching worldly television shows, then the worst, I stopped attending church all together. I started cussing again, and living my life for my own selfishness. I’d see my pastor, or other members of our church at the grocery store, or in town, and I would avoid them at all costs. We live in a very small town, so it was often I would see them out and about. I would just hate to hear the awkwardness of “we miss you at church” spill. I’d feel convicted every once in a while, so we would go here and there, but I would never commit to anything. Sadly, this went on for years. I was the man in the boat, on the sea, drifting away. 

Have you ever felt that you have drifted so far away from God, that it’s hard to see His forgiveness, grace or mercy? That your shame can not face Him? Do you know He is bigger than all your shame? He created you. He already knew what you were going to do, long before you were even born. He knows every hair on your head, and they are numbered! No matter what you have done, or what you are doing, His love always endures, and it never ever fails!

Back in August of 2025, I rededicated and surrendered my life to Christ. Since then, I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life. Even before when I was saved at an earlier age, I never felt this close to Him. I’ve heard multiple preachers in my past say, “we are to love Jesus above everything, including our spouses and our children.” back then, I was like, excuse me? What!? Those are my babies, I could never, but…. Let me tell you, now I get it. I can honestly say that the love I have for Jesus, is much more than ANYTHING!

Back in late September, early October I started watching The Chosen. If you have walked with me on this journey, then you know, I had ADHD as a child, and I seem to have carried it with me through adulthood as well. Anyways, that definitely helped me deepen my faith because I’m not just someone that can pick up a book, start reading, and understand everything the author is talking about. I need visuals because I am a visual learner. I bought myself a Bible, devotionals, and really started deepening my journey with Jesus.

Even though my walk with Christ felt different, I was in a sinful relationship. I had deep convictions about it, but I was on the fence. After all, we lived together. I thought as long as you went to church, read in your Bible, and had a strong relationship with Christ, you could just ask for forgiveness and it would be forgiven. I could not have been more wrong! We are to ask forgiveness of the sin, repent, and turn from the sin, best we can. 

The relationship was weirdly toxic. One day we would wake up, and everything would be fine. We’d be laughing and talking, having a great day, but the next day we would wake up, and I could not seem to say anything right, and there would be conflict all day. The more and more the relationship grew, the more and more mental abuse was shown. Then, the relationship turned to violence. It was a repetition of constant arguing, yelling, screaming, leaving and breaking up, to getting back together again, and this went on for months. I can remember saying a prayer. I asked God, Lord if this relationship is not for me or Your will for my life, please, remove it, and I will leave and never look back. For two days I was quiet with him. If he answered me, I answered him back. I was polite and kind, but I wasn’t begging him or all up on him like normal either. In those two days of being kind of quiet (I was just emotionally drained, kind of numb), we left work, and headed to our apartment, and here it started. “What’s wrong with you now?” he asked in a sly way. I answered with a quiet, "nothing." It made him angry and as soon as we arrived at the apartment, it was an argument that ended violently. That was God showing me it was my time to leave. 

Through that circumstance, God showed me that His love doesn’t look that way. I promised God that if He showed me this was not His will from me, that He’d give me a reason to leave, and He did! As a former survivor of domestic violence, I promised myself years ago, that I would never allow a situation just as that, to ever enter into my life again. I packed my things, I left, and I never looked back. I quit my job, and went home. Now I know, that God brought this man into my life for a reason. I feel that God used this man to completely break me, to use me for His good. 

On my way home I cried, I begged God to forgive me for all the sins that I had committed, even after becoming saved, and willingly living in a sinful relationship. I worshiped, I cried, I prayed, I cried, I talked to Him, while crying. In that relationship I had become so broken, that I was numb. It had gotten to the point to where I didn’t feel anything. He worked it all out for my good. He brought a sinner, that had been back sliding, back to Him, but brand new, and better than ever. 

Here I was with this new to me SUV, a mortgage, bills galore, and no job, but for once in my life, I was not worried. I knew I had been saved, forgiven, loved and covered by my Father, and no matter what, He has me!

Jesus provided me a job a few weeks after returning to my home in Mississippi. This job provides for all my essential needs. Since the first time watching The Chosen, I have watched it 5 more times, and will watch it over and over again. Every time I watch it, He speaks to me differently. The episode after He rides in on the donkey to Jerusalem, and He sees blood running down the stones, and He cries out, “Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem” and again right before He raises Lazarus from the dead, and He falls down, in agony, and crying, I felt His sorrow. I paused the television, and prayed. I wasn’t sure why, and didn’t have the words, but all I could do was cry. Since then, I’ve grown closer to God. I read in my Bible, and quite frequently, I can’t get enough. I am so hungry and thirsty for His knowledge. 

About three months ago, I started feeling this deep feeling of sorrow. It was nothing like heartbreak, convictions, or sadness. Every time I prayed, and spend time in His Word, all I could do was cry, and not just your regular cry where tears come to the surface of your eyes. It was uncontrollable crying. I know heartbreak, I’ve been mentally and physically abused, molested, raped, lost my first born and only son, divorced and on and on. This feeling of sorrow I get, has nothing, absolutely nothing on anything I have ever felt before. 

I believe God gives everyone a special gift they are to use to help bring others to Christ. I believe that God has given me the spirit of empathy. I can feel other people’s sadness and sorrow. I do not know if God is allowing me to feel a portion of His sorrows that He felt during His time here, or the sorrow He feels in Heaven for all His children here, that are lost because He is coming soon. I am unsure if we are even allowed to feel His sorrow because I am so unworthy to share any of His feelings or sorrows. 

One more story, and I promise to get to the point (I love telling stories and analogies to get your minds thinking). 

I had a feeling to reach out to my former pastor, you know, the one I avoided in the beginning of this story? I wanted to express my gratitude to him over the years of ministering to me, and for taking the time out of his busy schedule to pray for me. He knew I was a sinful person that was a regular “lost” church member.  He never judged me or looked down on me for my seen failures. 

Anyways, He and I were texting back and forth and I shared with him my FEELINGS of confusion. How could I have asked God into my heart years ago, and not FEEL the love I have for Him in my heart then, that I do now? I truly FELT it in my heart, and it was sincere. Asking God into my heart wasn’t just a show, or for appearance, it was a genuine FEELING. I don’t know what made this time in August of 2025 so differently. He and I continued texting back and forth a little more, and BOOM, out of nowhere, Jesus hit me with the, “it was just a FEELING.” I stopped dead in my tracks, and said, “a feeling?” 

I continued texting him, AND…… it hit me, hit me like the crashing waves carrying my “drifting away” boat further and further away from the shores, like a tidal wave. I never thought of it like this before, until Jesus spoke to me, and then it all made perfect sense! It was just a FEELING, an "EMOTIONAL FEELING!" My backsliding, drifting away, confusion, if I am truly saved, why am I living my life of sin so soon, or at all after being saved, FEELINGS. Jesus said, “it was just a feeling, you never CHOSE Me!”  

Do you know how many times the word, “chose, chosen or choose” are in the Bible? The word “choose” and its variations (like “chosen”, “chose”, “elect”) appear hundreds of times in the Bible. With estimates suggesting, over 200 references, highlighting themes of divine selection and human free will, appearing in both The Old Testament and The New Testament. With “chosen” alone in the KJV being used over 120 times. Specific counts vary by translation and exact word form, but it’s a frequent concept, emphasizing God’s choices and humanity’s decisions. 

“Choose” (verb): Around 116 times in some counts, often referring to life/death choices (Deuteronomy 30:19) or selecting Disciples.

“Chosen” (Adjective/Participle): Over 120 times in the KJV, referring to God’s people or Christ. 

“Elect” / “Election”: Frequently used in the New Testament (e.g., 1 Corinthians 1:27, Ephesians 1:4) for those chosen for salvation. 

That’s why I have a burning desire for Jesus now. That’s why I hunger and thirst for His Word. It is because “EMOTIONAL FEELINGS” are not in the Bible. Emotions are feelings, and that is NOT how God designed love. Love is a choice, not a feeling.  

I told you all of that to say this, drifting away is easy to do. If you are drifting away, you are not the only one. Give yourself some grace. No one is perfect. We all sin, and we all fall short. So, if you are in the same “drifting away” boat without a paddle, and you cannot see the shore, can I say this? Surrender your ALL, your EVERYTHING to Him. Choose Him! Don’t just have an emotional breakdown feeling just asking to be saved, truly, 1 billion percent choose Him. Prove it to Him. Show Him your faith, your heart, your soul, your desires of needing and wanting Him in your everything. Show up for Him. Start by reading His Word, study His Word, talk to Him, worship Him, pray to Him, and have that intimate time alone with Him. 

Don’t just ask Him for things you want, and for the things you need. Pray for those that hurt you. Pray for those that are lost. Pray for those that are hurting. Pray for others above yourself. When you are praying, ask Him, “what can I do for You today, Lord?” 

Can I say if you repeat this multiple times a day, you will feel the warmth of His comforting hands calming the storm, and pulling you back to the shore, without your paddles. I cannot wait for Him to reveal to me what this feeling of deep sorrow is, and so much more. If it be His will, I cannot wait to share it with you all. 

Romans 6:16 NLT

Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. 

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 NLT

19 Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on Heaven and Earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving The Lord your God, obeying Him and committing yourself firmly to Him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give to your ancestors Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 

Romans 10:9-13 NLT

9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved. 11 As the Scriptures tells us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” 12 Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord who gives generously to all who call on Him. 13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of The Lord will be saved.” 

Joshua 24:14-15 NLT

“So, fear The Lord and serve Him wholeheartedly. put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River in Egypt. Serve The Lord alone. 15 But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me in my house, we will serve The Lord.” 

I truly hope you enjoyed God’s message from me to you today. 

This is a blog post from Remain In Faith praying you have a blessed, beautiful and anointed day!